Mondays are usually a sucky day for everyone that has to go to work and isn't retired like me, so I just thought I would do my part to make it even worse for you and give you some bad jokes from PaulSadowski.com.
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" " Well, It's Not Unusual."
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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Bubba was from the lower valley, and he decided he wanted to get married to his sweetheart. So, while enjoying some grits and gravy for dinner one evening, Bubba brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa. 'Bubba, you can't get married yet,' insisted Ma. 'You're the baby of the family.' 'But Ma,' Bubba protested, 'I just had my 38th birthday last week.' 'We know that, Bubba,' Pa chimed, 'but your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school.'
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Person turns on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a 'Keyboard Error' message. She then asks 'Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. 'Need some help?' a secretary, walking by, asked. 'Yes,' he replied, 'how does this thing work?' 'Simple,' she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. 'Thanks, but where do the copies come out?'
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Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
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Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
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A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'
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I'm feeling a bit guilty that I made your Monday even worse than it probably already is, so here are a couple of jokes from the web site I actually liked.
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One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, 'Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!' Her mom replies, 'Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad.'
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A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, 'Do you know that you were speeding?' The man replies, 'No sir, I didn't know I was speeding.' The mans wife then yells, 'Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles.' 'SHUT UP!' the man says to his wife, 'Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite.' Then the cop says, 'well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?' 'No Sir' the man replies, 'I did not know that' 'WHATEVER!' His wife yells, 'I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!' 'Shut up' the man yells to his wife again! 'Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!' Curious, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, 'Does he always talk to you this way?' 'No' she replies, ' Only when he's drinking!'
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I want you all to know, I'm not really happy you have to go to work and your Mondays suck. I'm just happy I'm retired and I don't have to go to work anymore like you and I just wanted to rub it in a little. That doesn't make me a bad person now, does it?
Monday, April 17, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Just Answer, Dammit: Yes or No?!?
I've seen this on a number of blogs so decided to play along.
The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!
Taken a picture naked? : yes
Made out with a member of the same sex? : no
Danced in front of your mirror? : yes
Told a lie? : yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met?: yes
Been in a fist fight? : yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : yes
Been arrested? : no
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : yes
Seen someone die? : yes
Kissed a picture? : yes
Slept in until 3? : yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : yes
Played dress up? : yes
Fallen asleep at work? : yes
Had sex at work? : no
Felt an earthquake? : yes
Touched a snake? : yes
Ran a red light? : yes
Been in a car accident? : yes
Pole danced? : no
Been lost? : yes
Sang karaoke? : yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? : yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? : yes
Kissed in the rain? : yes
Sang in the shower? : yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : yes
Sat on a roof top? : yes
Played chicken? : yes
Raised chickens? : no
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : yes
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : no
Broken a bone? : yes
Mooned/flashed someone? : yes
Forgotten someone's name? : yes
Slept naked? : yes
Blacked out from drinking? : yes
Played a prank on someone? : yes
Felt like killing someone? : yes
Made a parent cry? : yes
Cried over someone? : yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : no
Had/Have a dog? : yes
Been in a band? : no
Drank 25 sodas in a day? : no
Shot a gun? : yes
The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!
Taken a picture naked? : yes
Made out with a member of the same sex? : no
Danced in front of your mirror? : yes
Told a lie? : yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met?: yes
Been in a fist fight? : yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : yes
Been arrested? : no
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : yes
Seen someone die? : yes
Kissed a picture? : yes
Slept in until 3? : yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : yes
Played dress up? : yes
Fallen asleep at work? : yes
Had sex at work? : no
Felt an earthquake? : yes
Touched a snake? : yes
Ran a red light? : yes
Been in a car accident? : yes
Pole danced? : no
Been lost? : yes
Sang karaoke? : yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? : yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? : yes
Kissed in the rain? : yes
Sang in the shower? : yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : yes
Sat on a roof top? : yes
Played chicken? : yes
Raised chickens? : no
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : yes
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : no
Broken a bone? : yes
Mooned/flashed someone? : yes
Forgotten someone's name? : yes
Slept naked? : yes
Blacked out from drinking? : yes
Played a prank on someone? : yes
Felt like killing someone? : yes
Made a parent cry? : yes
Cried over someone? : yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : no
Had/Have a dog? : yes
Been in a band? : no
Drank 25 sodas in a day? : no
Shot a gun? : yes
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday
My girlfriend Lori asked me to show you a picture of my tongue. She says it's her second favorite part of my body. I really think it's her third favorite (she has a thing for my ass), but what do I know.
If you want to find out why I'm doing this, click on this ladies's bra.
If you want to find out why I'm doing this, click on this ladies's bra.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
BREAKING NEWS!
If you have trouble reading the story, click on image to make it larger.
FYI: Yes, Lori knows about this post. She approved the story before it was published.
FYI: Yes, Lori knows about this post. She approved the story before it was published.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Music and Perversion
First a little about the music.
Lori and I went to Kenny’s Pub & Club both Friday and Saturday nights. The band Friday included John Miceli the drummer from Meat Loaf.
Saturday night George Cintron played his acoustical guitar as a solo act. He plays a 12-string guitar and is excellent.
The manager of the bar Joey, works for John Miceli as his drum technician. Joey travels with Meat Loaf when they are on the road and is responsible for setting up and maintaining John’s drums, etc.
Joey introduced me to John Miceli and we chatted for a few minutes. I learned a few things talking to Joey and John.
1. Meat Loaf is recording a new album
2. Meat Loaf will be going on tour in January 2007 (I’m assuming to promote the new album)
3. John Miceli plays in at least four bands.
a. Meat Loaf (well, duh!)
b. Nine Days (Personally, I’ve never heard of them, but Joey told me they had a #1 hit. They are going to be at Kenny’s this Thursday night if you're interested in seeing them)
c. Two local groups put together just for fun.
4. One that includes George Cintron (that was the groupo I saw last time John was at Kenny’s)
5. A second with a few guys that are excellent, but have never been with anyone famous. This group is the one was saw Friday night.
Now to the perversion part on the evening.
Friday night, Lori and I sat at the bar next to a couple that was part of a group of friends that knows one of the guitar players in the band. I’ll call her Brown Skirt and him Blue Shirt so you can keep the players straight in this story. Blue Shirt was a conservatively dressed guy with a blue shirt. The Brown Skirt was a very pretty, 40-ish brunette with a very short brown skirt and a great body. Lori especially liked her hair. All evening Lori and I watched Brown Skirt make the rounds of her male friends giving them a little more that just a hello greeting. She was all over the men she knew, including her date. I’m talking about touching, humping, grinding and bodies rubbing VERY close while dancing or just standing around. It was almost like watching a vertical lap dance. None of it bothered Blue Shirt at all, because she was doing it right in front of him. Lori and I thought it was unusual to do that in front of your date, but we both found it very, very HOT and just took it all in.
A few times while Brown Skirt was sitting next to Lori at the bar, she spread her legs so far apart her right knee rubbed against Lori’s knee. It seemed like she was moving it in time to the music. The first time it happened Lori didn’t think anything about it and pointed it out to me. Lori didn’t move her leg because she wanted to see what the woman would do and also wanted me to see it. This happened a few other times during the evening. Each time Brown Skirt just kept her knee against Lori’s, never looking or talking to Lori, just rubbed it against Lori’s in time to the music. Now we were wondering if she was giving Lori a signal she was interested in Lori or thought her knee was rubbing against Lori’s chair. Brown Skirt woman hadn’t spoken to Lori at all, so who knows.
Near the end of the night Blue Shirt guy asked me how I liked the band. I told him I liked them a lot. He said he knew one of the guys in the band (the bald guy in the piture above) and also told me that this was the first time the band had played together as a group in public. We agreed that they played as if they had been together for years, because they were that good.
During our conversation, Lori got up to go to the bathroom. When Lori got over by the bathroom, the Brown Skirt woman was waiting outside the ladies room, because someone was in there. She said hello to Lori and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. That surprised Lori because she hadn’t talked to Lori at all that night. Brown Skirt woman told Lori someone was in the ladies room so that's why she was waiting. She also said the she would rather be in the bathroom with her friend Mark anyway, pointing to the door of the men’s room. Mark was the man she had been all over the most that night.
Lori said, “You would?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay” Lori knocked on the men’s room door and turns the knob. It wasn't locked.
The Mark opens the door and Lori says, looking at the woman, “Go ahead. Go on in then.”
The woman Ooo’s and awes, waves her arms with excitement, kisses Lori on the cheek again, walks into the men’s bathroom and closes the door.
Lori grins as she waits for the ladies room to be free. She notices that now the door is ajar so opens it to go in. There is a woman in there crying. She had been sitting behind me at the bar. She asks Lori to give her a few more minutes while she fixed her makeup. Lori waited
I’m sitting at the bar all this time just listening to the music and talking to the Blue Shirt guy. I few minutes later the Blue Shirt guy walks away and I looked over and I see Lori walking toward me with a BIG smile on her face.
“Wait until I tell you what just happened!” She says with excitement.
“What? What?” She tells me the story I just told you.
WOW! Lori and I each thought it was so fucking hot to think that was going on as we talked about it. Other than the couple in the bathroom, we were the only ones that knew what was happening in the men's room.
You know what's funny? Lori asked me if we could do the same thing one night we were at Kenny's. I told her sure, but not that weekend because it would be too crowded knowing what band was playing. Yes, Lori and I are both a little naughty, but what do you expect from an old horn dog like me?
About five minutes later the Brown Skirt woman and Mark walked out of the doorway leading to the bathrooms together. Both of them were sweaty and looked like they had just had some workout. Her makeup was smeared and both of them were very sweaty. Brown Skirt woman and Mark walked directly over to us. The woman grabbed Lori’s hand and, with a big grin on her face says “How you doing?” Then the couple sits down next to us. The woman takes out her makeup and fixes it the best she can. Lori said it looked liked Brown Skirt woman had given Mark a blowjob being how all of her makeup was smeared like it was.
The Blue Shirt guy comes over about five minutes later and sits down. The three of them talk for a little. It looked like liked Brown Skirt woman and Mark were getting ready to leave. Brown Skirt woman comes over and gives both Lori and I a kiss on the cheek. She thanked Lori and told her she had a great time that evening. The guy shakes our hands and I told him “Good Luck” with a big smile on my face. He smiled back. Then the Mark, Brown Skirt woman and Blue Shirt guy all leaves together.
TOGETHER! YES FOLKS, THEY ALL THREE LEFT TOGETHER! Blue Shirt guy even held the door open for them. WTF!
Lori and I just looked at each other with looks of surprised. Neither of us thought they would leave together. Her with one guy or the other, sure, but we never expected her to leave with both of them. DAMN! I wonder what happened next. Lori said she would ask her if we see them again. The same band is supposed to start playing there on a regular basis, so there is a possibility we will see them again. I can’t wait to find out what happened.
I have a question for you all. If you had the chance to have a quickie somewhere like Mark and Brown Skirt did, would you do it?
Lori and I went to Kenny’s Pub & Club both Friday and Saturday nights. The band Friday included John Miceli the drummer from Meat Loaf.
Saturday night George Cintron played his acoustical guitar as a solo act. He plays a 12-string guitar and is excellent.
The manager of the bar Joey, works for John Miceli as his drum technician. Joey travels with Meat Loaf when they are on the road and is responsible for setting up and maintaining John’s drums, etc.
Joey introduced me to John Miceli and we chatted for a few minutes. I learned a few things talking to Joey and John.
1. Meat Loaf is recording a new album
2. Meat Loaf will be going on tour in January 2007 (I’m assuming to promote the new album)
3. John Miceli plays in at least four bands.
a. Meat Loaf (well, duh!)
b. Nine Days (Personally, I’ve never heard of them, but Joey told me they had a #1 hit. They are going to be at Kenny’s this Thursday night if you're interested in seeing them)
c. Two local groups put together just for fun.
4. One that includes George Cintron (that was the groupo I saw last time John was at Kenny’s)
5. A second with a few guys that are excellent, but have never been with anyone famous. This group is the one was saw Friday night.
Now to the perversion part on the evening.
Friday night, Lori and I sat at the bar next to a couple that was part of a group of friends that knows one of the guitar players in the band. I’ll call her Brown Skirt and him Blue Shirt so you can keep the players straight in this story. Blue Shirt was a conservatively dressed guy with a blue shirt. The Brown Skirt was a very pretty, 40-ish brunette with a very short brown skirt and a great body. Lori especially liked her hair. All evening Lori and I watched Brown Skirt make the rounds of her male friends giving them a little more that just a hello greeting. She was all over the men she knew, including her date. I’m talking about touching, humping, grinding and bodies rubbing VERY close while dancing or just standing around. It was almost like watching a vertical lap dance. None of it bothered Blue Shirt at all, because she was doing it right in front of him. Lori and I thought it was unusual to do that in front of your date, but we both found it very, very HOT and just took it all in.
A few times while Brown Skirt was sitting next to Lori at the bar, she spread her legs so far apart her right knee rubbed against Lori’s knee. It seemed like she was moving it in time to the music. The first time it happened Lori didn’t think anything about it and pointed it out to me. Lori didn’t move her leg because she wanted to see what the woman would do and also wanted me to see it. This happened a few other times during the evening. Each time Brown Skirt just kept her knee against Lori’s, never looking or talking to Lori, just rubbed it against Lori’s in time to the music. Now we were wondering if she was giving Lori a signal she was interested in Lori or thought her knee was rubbing against Lori’s chair. Brown Skirt woman hadn’t spoken to Lori at all, so who knows.
Near the end of the night Blue Shirt guy asked me how I liked the band. I told him I liked them a lot. He said he knew one of the guys in the band (the bald guy in the piture above) and also told me that this was the first time the band had played together as a group in public. We agreed that they played as if they had been together for years, because they were that good.
During our conversation, Lori got up to go to the bathroom. When Lori got over by the bathroom, the Brown Skirt woman was waiting outside the ladies room, because someone was in there. She said hello to Lori and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. That surprised Lori because she hadn’t talked to Lori at all that night. Brown Skirt woman told Lori someone was in the ladies room so that's why she was waiting. She also said the she would rather be in the bathroom with her friend Mark anyway, pointing to the door of the men’s room. Mark was the man she had been all over the most that night.
Lori said, “You would?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay” Lori knocked on the men’s room door and turns the knob. It wasn't locked.
The Mark opens the door and Lori says, looking at the woman, “Go ahead. Go on in then.”
The woman Ooo’s and awes, waves her arms with excitement, kisses Lori on the cheek again, walks into the men’s bathroom and closes the door.
Lori grins as she waits for the ladies room to be free. She notices that now the door is ajar so opens it to go in. There is a woman in there crying. She had been sitting behind me at the bar. She asks Lori to give her a few more minutes while she fixed her makeup. Lori waited
I’m sitting at the bar all this time just listening to the music and talking to the Blue Shirt guy. I few minutes later the Blue Shirt guy walks away and I looked over and I see Lori walking toward me with a BIG smile on her face.
“Wait until I tell you what just happened!” She says with excitement.
“What? What?” She tells me the story I just told you.
WOW! Lori and I each thought it was so fucking hot to think that was going on as we talked about it. Other than the couple in the bathroom, we were the only ones that knew what was happening in the men's room.
You know what's funny? Lori asked me if we could do the same thing one night we were at Kenny's. I told her sure, but not that weekend because it would be too crowded knowing what band was playing. Yes, Lori and I are both a little naughty, but what do you expect from an old horn dog like me?
About five minutes later the Brown Skirt woman and Mark walked out of the doorway leading to the bathrooms together. Both of them were sweaty and looked like they had just had some workout. Her makeup was smeared and both of them were very sweaty. Brown Skirt woman and Mark walked directly over to us. The woman grabbed Lori’s hand and, with a big grin on her face says “How you doing?” Then the couple sits down next to us. The woman takes out her makeup and fixes it the best she can. Lori said it looked liked Brown Skirt woman had given Mark a blowjob being how all of her makeup was smeared like it was.
The Blue Shirt guy comes over about five minutes later and sits down. The three of them talk for a little. It looked like liked Brown Skirt woman and Mark were getting ready to leave. Brown Skirt woman comes over and gives both Lori and I a kiss on the cheek. She thanked Lori and told her she had a great time that evening. The guy shakes our hands and I told him “Good Luck” with a big smile on my face. He smiled back. Then the Mark, Brown Skirt woman and Blue Shirt guy all leaves together.
TOGETHER! YES FOLKS, THEY ALL THREE LEFT TOGETHER! Blue Shirt guy even held the door open for them. WTF!
Lori and I just looked at each other with looks of surprised. Neither of us thought they would leave together. Her with one guy or the other, sure, but we never expected her to leave with both of them. DAMN! I wonder what happened next. Lori said she would ask her if we see them again. The same band is supposed to start playing there on a regular basis, so there is a possibility we will see them again. I can’t wait to find out what happened.
I have a question for you all. If you had the chance to have a quickie somewhere like Mark and Brown Skirt did, would you do it?
Thursday, April 6, 2006
Different Impressions
So far, I have met 10 bloggers on my 2006 BTExpress Blogger Tour. I was reading the comments some of them left about me on different posts and noticed something.
New York City - 1St Stop Blogger Tour
Aughra - "you are so sweet"
Foxglove - "we totally had a ball"
Bug (Mr. Foxglove) - "it was pleasant to meet and chat with you"
Michigan Blogger Party - 2ND Stop Blogger Tour
Barman - "fascinating and fun just a touch naughty".........."I need to get some tutoring from you some day"
SignGurl - "Perv! I love it!"
Roxi - "BTE is the cutest guy ever. He is fucking fantastic. A little dirty, but that’s good for everyone."
Did you noticed how the people I met in New York seemed have seen me one way and the people I met in Michigan saw me in a little different way? I wonder what the Half-Nekkid Thursday bloggers will have to say after I meet them In Chicago?
New York City - 1St Stop Blogger Tour
Aughra - "you are so sweet"
Foxglove - "we totally had a ball"
Bug (Mr. Foxglove) - "it was pleasant to meet and chat with you"
Michigan Blogger Party - 2ND Stop Blogger Tour
Barman - "fascinating and fun just a touch naughty".........."I need to get some tutoring from you some day"
SignGurl - "Perv! I love it!"
Roxi - "BTE is the cutest guy ever. He is fucking fantastic. A little dirty, but that’s good for everyone."
Did you noticed how the people I met in New York seemed have seen me one way and the people I met in Michigan saw me in a little different way? I wonder what the Half-Nekkid Thursday bloggers will have to say after I meet them In Chicago?
Michigan HNT
As you know (if you don't read, my last two posts) I was in Michigan over the weekend for the Michigan Blogger Party in Ann Arbor. Much beer, liquor and jello shots were consumned, which left some of the party goers with bodacious hangovers (not me though LMAO). SignGurl complained that I had many incriminating pictures of her, but she thought there were none of me.
So SignGurl, here are some pictures of me for your enjoyment and my embarassment. I will count the last one for my HNT post this week as I show skin.
So SignGurl, here are some pictures of me for your enjoyment and my embarassment. I will count the last one for my HNT post this week as I show skin.
This is how I felt at the end of Friday night. Needless to say, I went right to sleep when I got back to my room.
I swear, I was just trying to help this young lady (whom shall remain annonomous) wash her hands clean of jello shot residue. I have labeled the photo to assist in my defense.
As the night progressed, my camera work slowly deteriated.
Man boob and nip.
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