Want to See a Real Hippie?

Yes, this is me. This photo was taken in 1974 in the living room of my house in Lake Ronkonkoma, New York.

I had great hair then, didn't I? I always got my hair cut by men until one day around this time, a woman cut my hair. She ranted and raved over my hair and couldn't seem to stop touching it. I loved the touching and compliments, who wouldn't? That made me feel attractive for the first time in my life. From then on, I always had women cut my hair unless there was no choice. The chicks just seemed to dig it.

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Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday Y'all.

IMPORTANT MEDICAL BULLETIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: This post has a few naughty words in it, so if you don't want to read them, go away. Keep in mind that it is also educational and about some of the heath benefits of sex, so it's your loss if you decide not to read it.

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Last week when I was sick and dying, and wasn't sleeping, running between the couch, my bed and the toilet, I was flicking around aimlessly through the TV channels like I always do. I happen to come across the Oprah show. I saw the guest was Dr. Oz and heard them talking about sex. This immediately caught my attention. So I stopped flicking aimlessly through the channels, turned up the volume on the TV and sat back to hear where this was going to lead.

You may not know this about me, but I am always interested in learning new things, especially if it has to do with sex.

Soon they got to a question and answer segment. They were getting people on the street to ask Dr. Oz questions. One young woman said that she had heard that having sex helped you loose weight and wanted to know if that included masturbation.

God knows I could stand to loose quite a bit of weight, so I kept listening.

The doctor said that yes, sex does help you loose weight, but no that doesn’t include masturbation.

Shit, I could have told her that, because I'd be one skinny SOB if masturbation helped you loose weight.

Dr. Oz went on to clarify his answer. He said that during the sex act itself, you only burn about 25 calories on the average. That is about the average number of calories in a half a slice of bread. Oprah chimed in about then to say that meant just "basic" intercourse and none of the more "active" varieties of sex like hanging from swings, doing pull ups while in the act and other kinky shit.

I concluded that meant the kinkier you are, the more calories you burn and the more weight you loose and faster. LORI! Hear that baby?

So, now you may be asking, how do you loose weight then if you’re not into kinky things? I mean, 25 calories isn't very much, now is it?

Glad you asked, or there wouldn't be any point to this post, now would there.

Dr. Oz told the viewers that what really helps you loose weight during sex, is that when you have sex, with someone special, basic intercourse or the kinky kind, your brain releases a chemical that makes you contented, happy, shit like that and in addition, it depresses your appetite.

Guess that's why I've lost about 10 pounds since I started seeing Lori.

I'm sure now your wondering if a one-night stand or just a little quickie in an elevator with a stranger helps you loose weight then? Sorry to say the answer to that is no. It seems that it's all about the closeness you feel when you have sex with someone special.

I know you perverts aren’t happy with this answer, but that's the way it is.

Dr. Oz said a bunch of other stuff, but then he said something that is very important and just may just be the key to motivating me to start to seriously try to loose weight.

Pay attention to this one!

He said that when a man is very over weight, his Mr. Winky gets enveloped in layers of fat and appears to be shorter than it really is. So if he looses weight, for every 35 pounds he looses, he gains one inch in the length of his Love Gun.

You hear that! One inch for every 35 pounds!

He said that the Joystick doesn't really get any longer, it just looks longer once all that fat is gone. That got me wondering what that would mean to the length of my johnson would be if I got down near my ideal weight.

The next day I was feeling better, so I got on the Internet and found a web site with charts and shit, that says I should weight something less than 170 pounds. So I got my calculator out and started figuring out how long my joy stick would be if I got back down to the weight I was supposed to be.

First I wanted to figure out how much weight I needed to loose.

1. “A” equals “MY WEIGHT NOW”
2. “B” equals “MY IDEAL WEIGHT”
3. So “A – B = C“, which equals “HOW MUCH WEIGHT I NEED TO LOOSE”

Then I wanted to see how much longer my fun gun would get if I did loose all that weight.

4. “D” = 35, because “ONE INCH INCREASE IN LENGTH OF THE LOVE MUSCLE FOR EVERY 35 POUNDS YOU LOOSE”
6. So ”C / D = E”, which equals “HOW MANY INCHES LONGER MY MEMBER COULD GET IF "BTExpress = B”.

In my case “E = 1.8285714 inches”.

Next I wanted to see how long my Pocket Rocket would be then.

7. “F” equals, in inches, “WHAT LORI GOT WHEN SHE MEASURED MY ERECT MANHOOD A WHILE BACK”
8. So “E + F = WFW”, which stands for “WHOO FUCKING WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Hear that Lori? My Mr. Winky would be "WFW"!

Now if having a Ding-a-Ling that is “WHOO FUCKING WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ain't motivation enough to loose weight, I don't know what is!

The Good News Is....................

.................... Eventually everything turned out okay and I got big coil of copper wire from an electric company repairman. The bad news is I had to sit in fear for 24-hours waiting to see if my house was going to burn down to get it.

Friday we finally got hit with the big storm the rest of the country was bearing the brunt of last week. We didn't get the ice and snow many places got, but we did get rain, but worst, the big winds. The wind gusts here were over 60 miles per hour. All day the wind kept getting worse and by evening, it was blowing pretty badly. I was thinking that the worst that would happen was we would loose power, but I never expected anything else.

About 9:00 pm, Lori and I were in our bathrobes, cuddled up on the couch watching a movie when we heard a very loud popping sound outside the dining room widow. We both jumped.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

I jumped up off the couch, turned and looked out the window toward the direction of the popping noise. It happened again and we saw sparks shoot past the window. I ran over to the window and looked up in the direction the sparks came from. It happened again and this time I saw a large flash near somewhere up on toward the side of my house.

I turned to Lori and said something like, "HOLY SHIT! I THINK THE ELECTRIC SERVICE TO THE HOUSE IS BURNING UP!"

I ran into the bedroom and threw on my pants. I told Lori she better get dress in case we had to get out of the house quickly. Then I ran back out into the living room, got a jacket out of the closet and ran out into the front yard to get a better look at what was going on. I didn't have to wait long before I saw another flash and heard the popping noise. I ran over to my neighbors yard to get a better look to see exactly where the arcing was coming from.

A moment later it happened again and now I could see what was happening. Yes, the electrical service was shorting out. It was shorting about two feet from the house. My electricity hadn't gone out yet, so I knew it hadn't shorted completely YET, but I was sure it would at any moment.

I figured if that happened, the service would more than likely burn completely through dropping the live wire onto the roof of my car and at a minimum, burning the paint off the car wear ever it sparked. Then the wire would drop to the ground arcing until either the circuit breaker on the pole transformer tripped off, or the transformer exploded sending hot oil all over everything near by. None of these options was something I was looking forward to.

The arcing was less frequent now, so I jumped quickly into my car and backed it out of the driveway as fast as I could. I parked it in front of my house, but far away from the driveway and the pole the service came from.

I ran back into the house and told Lori to start shutting things off. I called the Power Company and got the typical recording. "We are having wide spread power outages across the Island. Press one for, blah, blah, blah, or two for emergencies for things like downed lines and dangerous situations."

I figured this qualified as and emergency, so I pressed two.

A real live person got on the phone and asked me what the emergency was. I babbled something like, My house service exploding, not wanting my house to burn down, a live wire could drop to the ground, etc, etc, etc".

Now WTF that has to do with anything was beyond me, but I asked her to get someone over here right away because I didn't want my house to burn down. She assured me they would get someone over here ASAP. I got off the phone and told Lori what the lady at LIPA told me.

One of us mentioned that the arcing seemed to have stopped. Then Lori said that it sounded like the wind had stopped. I looked outside and sure enough, it had practically died down to nothing. I guess since the wind stopped, the wire stopped moving around and so it stopped shorting out. I had no idea why it stopped nor why we still had electricity, but was grateful that was what happened.

Now the wait began for the LIPA Calvary to arrive and fix my electrical service.

About an hour goes by and nobody shows up, so i call back LIPA. I speak to another lady and ask her to check and make sure I am on the list for potential catastrophes. She assures me that I am, but that it will be awhile before they could get to me. They have to all the outages repaired before they get to me. I give her a lot of "what ifs". You know like if the live power line drops to the ground or my house catches fire. She tells me, "If there anything changes call back. If you see flames, call your fire department."

That was so ludicrous that I had to laugh. But WTF was I going to do? Yelling at her wasn't going to do any good, so I just went back to waiting. And wait we did. We waited until about 8:30 the next night, about 24 hours, before someone came.

I had just finished making dinner and Lori and I were sitting down to eat when I heard a knock on the front door. I answered the door and it was a LIPA repairman. I went outside and explained what had happened.

He got a ladder of the truck, put it next to the house and climbed up to check the electrical service. At first he couldn't see what happened, but said that the insulation was old and brittle and had come off the wire in numerous places. He then saw where the service shorted and said he was going to change it and that we would be without power for about an hour.

I went back inside to eat dinner while we waited for him to do the repair. It would have been romantic eating by the light of my oil lamp, but tension I had been feeling for the last 24 hours made it difficult to think about romance right then.

Ten minutes later the lights went out and about ten minutes after that we finished eating. We waited to clean up and when right outside to watch the repairman finish up. When the lights came back on, Lori went back in the house while I waited for him to finish.

The repairman finished up pretty quickly. The power was only out for about 1/2 hour total. When he came down off the ladder, he showed me the service wire. It was just like he said it was, old and brittle and the insulation had come off in numerous places. Then he showed me where it had arced. All the strands one one leg had burned through except for one.


Here's my brand new electrical service.


Other than that, let's see..................

Today is Lori and my 9-Month Anniversary. Happy Anniversary baby! Lori stalked me from when she first saw my cute smiling face on my MySpace web page in November, until I asked her out and took her to the movies for out first date on March 4, 2006.

This weekend Lori and I had a great time together. Well, except for the electrical malfunction We went shopping, bought some stuff, I cooked, she cleaned up and we snuggled a lot. Saturday night we even tied our record for number of times snuggling. We were as naughty as always, maybe even more. I woke her up a little before 6:00 this morning for a quick snuggle before she had to get up at 7:30 for work. I hope she's not too tired today.

A Playful BTExpress HNT

This one came from my San Diego trip archive. We had just gotten back to the room after a long day of shopping and sightseeing when I jumped up on the bed. Lori snapped a couple of pictures, then we snuggled.

Details available upon request via email. ;-)

HNT Will Delayed Due to Illness

That would be my illness. I Wednesday gagging and vomiting. That lead into a general shitty feeling and then the fun part off sitting on the porcelain throne off and on all day. I got out of bed to visit the royal throne room again just now and decided to let my loyal horn dogs know why you don't see any naughty pictures here yet.

I Forgot To Tell You About Thanksgiving

I had a great time this year. It felt really good to spend a holiday with a family again. (Thanks babe!) We used to spend Thanksgiving at Barbara’s sister’s house, and all other major holiday’s for that matter, but after Barbara died, Brian and I seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth as far as Barbara’s side of the family goes. So since we hadn’t received an invitation as of last week, we decided to spend Thanksgiving at our respective girl friends homes.

I’ll skip the part about my son Brian almost breaking up with his girl friend last week, which would have caused both of us to change our plans. But they patched things up, so we each finally went to our respective girl friends homes for Thanksgiving.

I drove over to Lori’s place Thursday afternoon. Her parents were there as well as Lori’s four children; Karoline, Bethany, Adam and Milo. It was nice seeing everyone again and we had a good time.

(FYI: Please don’t tell Lori I told you, but Milo is really a dog, but they treat him like a child. That's why I included him with the kids.)

It felt kind of funny not doing any of the cooking or clean up for that matter. You see, I always do the cooking at my place and Lori cleans up, that's the deal we have. (I might have to rethink that though. I do hate cleaning period, but I heard Lori tell someone that as long as I'm willing to cook she'll do all the cleaning I want. You see, ,the five minute she takes to clean up and load the dishwasher, verses the 1 1/2 hour or whatever, I cook is a great deal.),

Lori did it all and everything came out GREAT! Here's the turkey.



Well, I did do one thing, I stirred the gravy "constantly" while it thickened. (Bet ya didn't know I knew that technical cooking terminology, did ya.)



Pretty soon dinner was ready and we all sat down to a Thanksgiving feast. Did I tell you how great everything turned out. I might just have to rethink our deal about me cooking and her cleaning up. Damn, that woman can cook!

I took this , picture that's why I had to paste a picture of me and where I sat in this one.

There was one down side to the day, Lori and I could never get away for even a moment to grope each other talk, because either her mom or daughter would show up and hang out. We did get to make out talk a little in my car before I left, but not enough to get our rocks off have a good conversation. Nothing like a good conversation to end the day I always say.

Sunday they came to my house for pie and coffee. Lori brought over one of my favorites, her home made pecan pie. It really was one of the best I've ever tasted. I made my first pie ever for the occasion, pumpkin pie. I had the pecan pie, but I knew better than to eat the pie I made was full, so I didn't have any of the pie I made. I let them be the guinea pigs. They all said they liked my pie cough...bull...cough...shit...cough. I put in twice the sugar than was called for. Don't they think I don't know they are bs-ing me?.

All in all, a good time was had by all on my end except for that fact that I didn't get my rocks off. I’m not sure how my son’s Thanksgiving went, because he didn’t say much. With him, I’ve found it best if I leave well enough alone.

I'm not sure how I feel.

If you remember, Lori cleaned my house from top to bottom last weekend. Her parents are down from Rhode Island for the holiday and are coming to my place tomorrow. Lori's parents have never been here, so I wanted to make sure I put most of my shit away to make them think I'm not the slob that I really am.

I was putting away my crap from the top of the entertainment center in the living room. Some of that stuff has been there forever. I came across the pocket recorder I used to use at my last job. I was curious what was on it, so I pressed play. Nothing, the batteries were dead. So I put in new batteries and pressed play again.

First I heard an announcer for the Food Network and then I heard my late wife Barbara's voice......... "Monday afternoon, Emeril........., Essence of Emeril, I think. Something called beef bull yard (sp), I think."

You see, I stopped using the pocket recorder at work and gave it to Barbara to use. She had trouble remembering things, so I gave it to her to record things she wanted to tell me. Mostly she used it to record messages about the things she saw on the Food channel that she wanted me to make for us.

I played eight more entries. They were all from her and all pretty much the same as the first one I heard.

I put the recorder aside, I'd heard enough for now. When I'm ready, I'm going to play more of her messages on the recorder. I also have some videos of her that some day I'll watch. Just not right now.