Madame's Meme

I found this meme on KJ's World a while ago. I saved it and have been debating if I should post it. Since I couldn't think of anything to post today, I decided today would be a good day to post it. If you decide to do this one too, let me know.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Yes
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? Yes, if you count a car
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Don't remember if I did or didn't
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? No
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Yes, I like cuddling all the time
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? No, not even the $12 hooker I lost my virginity to
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yes, just got tired and decided to stop. Had a condom on so she didn't know
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP? I like to hear her scream and tell me how good I am and to do it ........ Woops...... I'm usually silent, but I'm trying get more vocal
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yes
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Yes
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Yes, twice
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? No, dammit!
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Yes
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? No
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? I met a girl at a wedding and she asked me to take her parking, then asked me take off her clothes and fuck her. (lucky me, huh?) I found a place to park and just as we started fucking, a cop shined his flash light in the window and told us to get out of there. BTW, she was only the second girl I fucked.
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? I was 19 and just out of army basic training
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Not including Lori, no one
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? Yes
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Yes
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? I've only fucked four different women
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Duh, I like it anywhere I can get it
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? No, see #17
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? No
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? No
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD? Never had a guy toy
27. LINGERIE? Yes, on her of course
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? No dammit!

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX
( )park
( )church
( )cemetery
( )beach
(X)boat
( )school
( )parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
( )picnic table
( )kitchen counter
(X)couch/chair
(X)dining room/kitchen table
( )woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower
(X)the other person's bed
( )porch/deck/balcony
( )in a house with parents home
( )at a party
( )on top of the washer/dryer
( )with other people in the room
(X)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent's house
( )field
( )bleachers


Happy Humpin'

SQUAWKS

I LMAO when I read this one. Hope you enjoy it.


Squawks

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

The Messengers

On Saturday, Lori and I had a night out with her three kids. I really shouldn't call them kids, because they are something like 23, 25 & 27. But since I'm an old fart of 57, they seem like kids to me. Hell, most of you are so much younger than me and still seem like kids to me for that matter. ;-)

We met at Chili's for dinner and drinks and then went to the movies. They are all big fans of horror movies and thrillers and they just had to see The Messengers" on the day it was released. We all agreed it wasn't as good as it could have been, but it was still worth seeing.

The best part was when Lori got the email the next day from one of her daughters that said they all had a great time and they want us all to do it again.

Guess I finally grew on them, huh? :-)

Happy Anniversary Lori!

Today is 11th month anniversary of the day Lori and I met. I took her the movies and then to Kenny's Pub & Grub for dinner. We were having such a great time, we closed the place and I didn't get Lori home until just before sunrise.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

New Blogger Got Me Too

Blogger made me switch all three of my blogs to the new Blogger this morning. This better be worth it, or I'm going to be really pissed off.

Elyse Sewell

Do you remember this girl!


No? Well, she was the "Third-to-Next Top Model" on the TV show "America's Next Top Model"; meaning she came in third. But third place was not such a bad place to be. She is the ONLY person from that show to go into modeling. She models for a living, mostly in Hong Kong.

The photo you see above, is from Elyse's latest blog post. She posts all the time and always with pictures she takes herself. She is funny as hell and if you want laugh, visit her blog. I'm never disappointed when I do.

Got to go. Lori just called and she is just a few minutes away. I have to hurry and get her drink ready. I always greet her at the door with a gin & tonic. Have a great weekend.

Combo HNT

I still haven't gotten that haircut I talked about last week. You all know how much I HATE getting my haircut, so your probably not surprised.



So, where's the nekkidness you ask?

Don't worry, it's coming right up.

So for all you horn dogs, a picture of my, uh, uh, my man junk follows.





WARNING! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY LOOKING AT MAN JUNK!






I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!!!










EDIT: Sorry to disappoint you. I was going to post my junk in it's full glory, but got shy at the last minute and covered it up.

What can I say, I'm shy.

Besides, Lori may not approve.

But if you really want to see my stuff, ask Lori.

My junk is now her's to do with as she wishes now, so if she say it's okay with her, you got it!

Happy HNT Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!