Your Laugh for the Day

I received a good email from my step mom. A few of these jokes are old, but still worth sharing.

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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

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WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"

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THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

My Crops are Growing Well

Remember the post I made about the Aero Garden Lori gave me for Christmas? I planted the seed pods on December 27th. This is what my garden looked like on January 8th.


Here's what it looks like today, about a month later. From left to right: mint, parsley, basil, purple basil, dill, chives and thyme.


Right now the dill is the tallest at 5 1/2 inches. The chives and basil were taller, but I trimmed them back a few days ago so they didn't hit the light. I wanted to let the other herbs catch up a little. Now I have to find some recipes I like so I can use them.

I hope y'all have a great weekend!

I Told You So HNT

Don't I look smug?

And you thought the Green Bay Packers would beat the Giants last Sunday. LMAO!!!!!!! I told you the Giants would win and they are going to win against the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl too. Mark my word!!!

Happy HNT to all the Giant fans!!!!!!!!

PS
You know the best part, Jillie lost our bet and has to wear a Giant's tee shirt at her Super Bowl party. I can't wait for that one!

I Got My Haircut

I got my haircut today and when I went to pay, the guy told me it was $10. I usually pay $12, so I questioned him about it. He pointed to the sign with the prices and pointed directly at the Seniors price line for those 65 and over.

I wanted to say, "LET'S MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR! I AM NOT FUCKING 65, I AM FUCKING 59!", but just smiled and told him I wasn't 65 yet. He mumbled something about trying to save me some money.

So everyone out there remember, I AM NOT FUCKING 65, I AM FUCKING 59! and don't you ever forget it! I'll let you know when I'm officially elderly. GOT IT!?!?!?!

OFFER-bra size 42 DDD, beige lace underwire

I just read that post heading on the Freecycle web site I told you about a few posts ago. I don't wear a bra, but I just might go get it to see her DDD's, I mean to donate it to Goodwill. It would be a shame to have DDD's without the proper covering get all chilly and stuff in this cold weather. I don't want to be responsible for frost bit nipples. It's only right, don't you think?

THE GIANTS WON! THE GIANTS WON!

The New York Giants are the new NFL football champions! They beat the Green Bay Packers in overtime, 23-20! In Green Bay no less. By winning this game they set a new NFL record with ten consecutive wins on the road!

Take that Jillie! Take that Sign Gurl! Take that Os! And take that all the rest of you that didn't give the Giants a chance.

Now they go to the Super Bowl in two weeks to kick some New England Patriot ass!!!!!!!

Bring it on Patriots! Bring it on!

I'm Going to be Rich!

I recently read that a 710 year old copy of Britain's Magna Carta was auctioned off for $21.3 Million! Only 17 copies are known to exist.

WOW! That is really something.

But you know what? I can top that! I have the one and only copy of an equally important document that's almost as old.

I have the original "Certificate of Birth Registration" for the infamous BTExpress!


My mom found it while going through some old stuff, so she sent it to me. My actual birth certificate was lost many years ago, so this is something I'm grateful to have.