Men, take my advice!

I was out driving yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off, enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.

I used to drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76 miles. Of these, 16 each way, is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway. So if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper to bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically half of these are driven by females; that's 18,000. In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period.

That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449, according to the National Institutes of Health 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98, and 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33. According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drove past at least one female that, has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM of flipping her off!

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Okay, I didn't write this, I stole it from an email. Bet you almost thought I did thought, didn't you?

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Lori, her kids and I are going up to Rhode Island to visit her parents. It's he mom's 75th birthday. Her mom wanted me to come along too, because she says I'm just like family now. Ain't that sweet. :-)

Lori's brother and sister in law are driving over from Connecticut too. They are all BIG Patriot fans, so I'm going to wear my Giant's shirt to rub it in show them how proud I am of the Giants winning the Super Bowl.


Y'all have a nice weekend, ya here!

Super Bowl Winner HNT

Unless you've been living under a rock or in a cave since Sunday, you know that the New York Giants won the Super Bowl. That's a very good thing in more ways than one. You see, I made a bet with Kittie Kate on the outcome of the game. If the Patriots won, which they didn't, I was to post a picture of me in a pair of Lori's sexy panties on my blog. But if the Giants won, which they did, she had to write my name on her boobs and post a topless picture of herself.

Like I said, fortunately for me, and those that might not appreciate a scantily clad BTExpress, the Patriots won and Kittie Kate posted not one picture, not two pictures or even three pictures, but FIVE pictures counting the click through's.

Since she went all out for me, here's a picture of me, sans pants, in my new New York Giant's Super Bowl XLII Champions tee shirt.


I figured that since she went well over and above the call of duty in posting all of those very sexy shots of her, the least I could do would be to post a picture of me sans pants and tee shirt.

Want to see what I am wearing under the tee shirt? Click, click if you dare!

Happy New York Giant's
Super Bowl XLII Championship
HNT!

Facebook

I am so confused about Facebook. I just don't get it.

I've been bitten by zombies, attacked b y who knows what, made a friend by lots of cool people and gotten bumper stickers, but when I checked my car, they weren't there.

I know how everyone feels at any given moment and who is or is not in a relationship.

Facebook also wants to know why I know everyone I know even if I've told them countless times before. Why is it any of their business anyway?

I keep getting presents and free drinks, but can never find them. Has someone taken them before I can find them?

And who are these slayers I keep hearing about?

Some of my friends are even selling themselves. Man, I wish a few of them would ask me to buy them first. I'm sure I could make them an attractive offer so they'd sell themselves to me.

People even want to know what my sex song is. Sex song? WTF is that? I've never sung a song while having sex in my life. Who does?

I have even been told I have an entourage, but there ain't no one at my door that I can see.

They even want me to buy imaginary gifts with real money. I'll buy imaginary gifts with imaginary money, but there is no way I pay real money for a picture of a gift.

I am just so confused about Facebook.

There's always hope

Take that to heart after watching the Giants win the Super Bowl. There's always hope. Almost no one gave the Giants a chance, but they got what they were after against all odds. Just like this lonely widow.

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A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs! The old man smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted: "You don't have any arms either!" Again, the old man smiled," Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "Rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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I bet you Patriot fans were expecting me to gloat and rub the Giants win into your open wounds. Now would I do that?

You bet I would!!!!!!!

18-1

BIG BLUE! BIG BLUE! BIG BLUE!
THE GIANTS ARE THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!

WOOT! WOOT!

YES, YES, YES!!!!!!

THE GIANTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS,

THE NFL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOT, WOOT!!!!!!!

GO GIANTS, PLEASE WIN THE SUPER BOWL......

Kitty Kate has suckered me into a bet on the Super Bowl. If the Giants loose, I have to post a picture of me in Lori's panties. If the Giants win, we get to see her topless in man boxers. I haven't figured out how that is such a good deal for me, but a bet is a bet.

So PLEASE root VERY, VERY hard for the Giants, K?

PLEASE, pretty please with gin and tonic on top.

I'LL BE YOUR BFF.

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY CRAP!

That's what you'd be saying if you watched "Don't Forget the Lyrics" on TV tonight/last night. If you don't know what show that is, they play a song and give the lyrics for part of the song and then you have to guess the next line. The more songs you know the lyrics of the next line, the more money you win.

Tonight/last night they had on a little boy the was about 10 or 11 years old, something like that. He was frigging amazing. He knew the lyrics to songs a kid his age had no business knowing. He won $1,000, $2,000, $10,000, $50,000 and on and on until he had won $350,000. He got to the $500,000 question and had no clue of the lyrics of the line, so he quit and walked way with $350,000!!!!! That right, $350,000!!!!!! HOLY CRAP, the kid was amazing!

In closing, his mother better put every dime of that money away for the kid, every dime!