I don't cook that often anymore, but I cooked Sunday dinner this weekend. I made Crusty Chicken Wrap Ups (boneless chicken thighs, herbs and grated cheese wrapped in crescent rolls, then brushed with egg and sprinkled with sesame seeds), broccoli with three cheese sauce (Green Giant frozen) and potatoes au gratin (Betty Crocker boxed at it finest).
Hey I said technically cooked, the chicken was prepared from scratch, so it still counts as cooking, doesn't it?
Monday, August 8, 2005
Saturday, August 6, 2005
My AC Broke Part 8
I finally got my AC. It's not the central air I was talking about, but it's still air conditioning. This is the baby I got yesterday. Isn't it the most beautiful thing you ever saw? Shipped all the way from Brooklyn via UPS, for the paltry sum of $294 plus tax and free shipping.
Sharp's expanded line of Energy Star® air conditioners provides cool comfort all summer long. Sharp�s air conditioners not only exceed federal efficiency standards, they exceed design standards as well. Sleek and stylish, they will fit into your home design beautifully. Saving you energy and enhancing your decor, Sharp�s air conditioner line is too cool to pass up.
I couldn’t wait to get it installed so as soon as I said hello to Barbara and her sister who just came over to visit, I was off and running. But first, I was off and running to the kitchen for a nice cold gin and tonic. You know, it’s a proven medical fact that you must drink lots of fluids when sweating a lot, by doing hard work, and in the medical journal I have, it says gin and tonic is an acceptable method for replenishing fluids and the minerals lost by sweating.
Now, as a public service, I am providing step-by-step instructions for installing a Sharp AF-S100EX. I think this will be helpful to you, because the instruction manual leaves out so many steps, at least many of extra steps I took.
1. Take AC out of the box and put it on the dining room table.
2. Read the directions that tell you have to take the chassis out of the cabinet.
3. Remove 6 screws, take off the front panel with the filter and attempt taking the chassis out.
4. No luck. Put AC back on the floor.
5. Remove chassis from cabinet by tugging, pulling, lifting, tugging, yanking, lifting and pulling some more.
6. Put cabinet on dining room table.
7. Install rail on the top of cabinet and try to install the right and left closure assemblies.
8. Next remove the rail installed in step 7 and turn it around because it was put on backwards.
9. Install the right and left closure assemblies and attach to cabinet using 6 small screws.
10. Install cabinet assembly in dining room window.
11. Slide open right and left closure to take up open space on either side of AC in the window.
12. Remove cabinet assembly install in step 10, and put it back on dining room table, because you forgot to install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash that they instructed on the first page of the installation instructions.
13. Go to kitchen and get some paper towels and spray cleaner on paper towels.
14. Clean sash on underside of window.
15. Install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash.
16. Go into kitchen and get scissors.
17. Cut off the excess window sash foam seal (adhesive type).
18. Repeat steps 10 and 11.
19. Go out to the garage and look for some wood scraps to fill space between the bottom channel and sill.
20. Take the only two pieces you can find back inside and hope they fill the space. Wow, they do.
21. Go into den and discover rechargeable drill is dead because it was put in charger backwards last time it was used.
22. Go down to the basement and search in vain for electric drill.
23. Go back to den and get hammer. Note: if you don’t have a drill, to drill pilot holes for screws, a hammer is an acceptable substitute to beat the suckers home if you can’t get them in using just a screwdriver.
24. Secure cabinet to space filler wood scraps with two screws, using screwdriver and hammer.
25. Forget securing the top angle and closure assemblies to window sash because the window is plastic and you’d only break it without drilling pilot hole. Note: I put the screwdriver I mentioned in the charger correctly in step 19 and will install the said screws today, maybe.
26. Slide chassis into cabinet.
27. Replace front panel and secure with four screws removed in step 2.
28. Now check to see if the power cord reaches the outlet, which now looks so darn far away. Wow, it just makes it.
29. Hurriedly turn on the AC and stand in front letting the quickly cooling air wash over your sweat drenched face.
30. Walk over and get your glass of gin and tonic and stand back in front of the AC and let the now cold air wash over your now not so sweat drenched face. Note: To save space, I left out the many times I refilled my glass with gin and tonic during the installation process.
31. Cut the window sash foam seal (non adhesive type) to length and seal the opening between the top window sash and outside window sash.
32. Leave mess scattered all over the living room and dining room to be cleaned up tonight by Brain when he gets home.
33. Promise to read the rest of the directions, also some other day.
34. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and rejoice in knowing you will now be able to stop sweating profusely when you masturbate to the porno on the Spice channel and Playboy channel on the TV in the living room.
Sharp AF-S100EX Review
Sharp's expanded line of Energy Star® air conditioners provides cool comfort all summer long. Sharp�s air conditioners not only exceed federal efficiency standards, they exceed design standards as well. Sleek and stylish, they will fit into your home design beautifully. Saving you energy and enhancing your decor, Sharp�s air conditioner line is too cool to pass up. Features of the Sharp AF-S100EX include:
- Energy Star® Efficiency - Save money, save energy, and help preserve the environment! Sharp's Energy Star® qualified products exceed the existing federal efficiency standards for air conditioners by at least 10 percent which qualifies them to bear the Environmental Protection Agency's Energy Star® logo for energy efficiency.
- Library Quiet™ - Sharp air conditioners provide comfort without the added noise often associated with room air conditioners. Sharp delivers cool, quiet comfort.
- Rest Easy™ Remote - enables you to simply turn the unit on or off, adjust the temperature, change the fan speed, or set the delay timer with the touch of a button.
- Comfort Touch™ Controls - Convenience is standard with Sharp's user-friendly Comfort Touch controls. With a 12-hour timer delay on/off feature and one-degree temperature control, there's no more temperature guessing. Simply set the controls and forget about it!
- Washable One-Touch Filter - for easy removal and cleaning.
- 4-Way Air Direction - lets you direct the cool air where you want it most.
- Energy Saver Mode - When Energy Saver is selected, the thermostat automatically controls cooling and the fan automatically stops when the compressor is not operating.
I couldn’t wait to get it installed so as soon as I said hello to Barbara and her sister who just came over to visit, I was off and running. But first, I was off and running to the kitchen for a nice cold gin and tonic. You know, it’s a proven medical fact that you must drink lots of fluids when sweating a lot, by doing hard work, and in the medical journal I have, it says gin and tonic is an acceptable method for replenishing fluids and the minerals lost by sweating.
Now, as a public service, I am providing step-by-step instructions for installing a Sharp AF-S100EX. I think this will be helpful to you, because the instruction manual leaves out so many steps, at least many of extra steps I took.
1. Take AC out of the box and put it on the dining room table.
2. Read the directions that tell you have to take the chassis out of the cabinet.
3. Remove 6 screws, take off the front panel with the filter and attempt taking the chassis out.
4. No luck. Put AC back on the floor.
5. Remove chassis from cabinet by tugging, pulling, lifting, tugging, yanking, lifting and pulling some more.
6. Put cabinet on dining room table.
7. Install rail on the top of cabinet and try to install the right and left closure assemblies.
8. Next remove the rail installed in step 7 and turn it around because it was put on backwards.
9. Install the right and left closure assemblies and attach to cabinet using 6 small screws.
10. Install cabinet assembly in dining room window.
11. Slide open right and left closure to take up open space on either side of AC in the window.
12. Remove cabinet assembly install in step 10, and put it back on dining room table, because you forgot to install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash that they instructed on the first page of the installation instructions.
13. Go to kitchen and get some paper towels and spray cleaner on paper towels.
14. Clean sash on underside of window.
15. Install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash.
16. Go into kitchen and get scissors.
17. Cut off the excess window sash foam seal (adhesive type).
18. Repeat steps 10 and 11.
19. Go out to the garage and look for some wood scraps to fill space between the bottom channel and sill.
20. Take the only two pieces you can find back inside and hope they fill the space. Wow, they do.
21. Go into den and discover rechargeable drill is dead because it was put in charger backwards last time it was used.
22. Go down to the basement and search in vain for electric drill.
23. Go back to den and get hammer. Note: if you don’t have a drill, to drill pilot holes for screws, a hammer is an acceptable substitute to beat the suckers home if you can’t get them in using just a screwdriver.
24. Secure cabinet to space filler wood scraps with two screws, using screwdriver and hammer.
25. Forget securing the top angle and closure assemblies to window sash because the window is plastic and you’d only break it without drilling pilot hole. Note: I put the screwdriver I mentioned in the charger correctly in step 19 and will install the said screws today, maybe.
26. Slide chassis into cabinet.
27. Replace front panel and secure with four screws removed in step 2.
28. Now check to see if the power cord reaches the outlet, which now looks so darn far away. Wow, it just makes it.
29. Hurriedly turn on the AC and stand in front letting the quickly cooling air wash over your sweat drenched face.
30. Walk over and get your glass of gin and tonic and stand back in front of the AC and let the now cold air wash over your now not so sweat drenched face. Note: To save space, I left out the many times I refilled my glass with gin and tonic during the installation process.
31. Cut the window sash foam seal (non adhesive type) to length and seal the opening between the top window sash and outside window sash.
32. Leave mess scattered all over the living room and dining room to be cleaned up tonight by Brain when he gets home.
33. Promise to read the rest of the directions, also some other day.
34. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and rejoice in knowing you will now be able to stop sweating profusely when you masturbate to the porno on the Spice channel and Playboy channel on the TV in the living room.
Friday, August 5, 2005
Finally got the washing machine fixed
Three fucking weeks, it took three fucking weeks for a GE repairman to finally get his ass back here to fix it!
I called for service 4 weeks ago because the agitator wasn't agitating in my washing machine. I didn't want to replace it if the repair was minor, so I called GE service. A few days later the serviceman came and checked it out. He told me it needed a coupling adapter, because it was stripped. He could order the part and replace for $174.
Well, $174 is less than replacing the washer so I said okay. Also, the service call already cost me $154, so for an extra $20 I'd let him do it.
Now here it is four weeks after the first call, and I finally have a washing machine that works.
I was home yesterday when he came because Sylvia couldn't come yesterday. I wish I wasn't here.
I took him down to the laundry area in the basement and watched him fixed it in less than 5 minutes. No shit, less than 5 minutes. He reaches in the washer, yanks up on the agitator and it pops off. He takes a wrench and removes one bolt holding the coupling on. Pops off the old coupling, puts on the new one and screws in the bolt. Tightens it and pushes the agitator back on. Closes the lid, turns on the machine and it works.
He felt bad for me and lowered the service charge, because I gave him the sad story about how I been waiting four weeks to get it fixed, how easy the repair was and about how last week the guy never showed up. So he lowers the service charge to $125, plus $6.25 for the part and then, of course, there is tax of $11.18, for a grand total of $142.41.
It took Sylvia yesterday and today to finally get all the laundry done. She's great. I'll miss her when she moves and I have to do it myself again.
Edit: My son has a big hamper of dirty laundry in his room, so it's not all done. I reminded him if he doesn't get them out of his room, they won't get done. Why is it so hard to get him to carry them the six feet out into the hall and put them with the rest of the dirty clothes instead of storing them in his room?
I called for service 4 weeks ago because the agitator wasn't agitating in my washing machine. I didn't want to replace it if the repair was minor, so I called GE service. A few days later the serviceman came and checked it out. He told me it needed a coupling adapter, because it was stripped. He could order the part and replace for $174.
Well, $174 is less than replacing the washer so I said okay. Also, the service call already cost me $154, so for an extra $20 I'd let him do it.
Now here it is four weeks after the first call, and I finally have a washing machine that works.
I was home yesterday when he came because Sylvia couldn't come yesterday. I wish I wasn't here.
I took him down to the laundry area in the basement and watched him fixed it in less than 5 minutes. No shit, less than 5 minutes. He reaches in the washer, yanks up on the agitator and it pops off. He takes a wrench and removes one bolt holding the coupling on. Pops off the old coupling, puts on the new one and screws in the bolt. Tightens it and pushes the agitator back on. Closes the lid, turns on the machine and it works.
He felt bad for me and lowered the service charge, because I gave him the sad story about how I been waiting four weeks to get it fixed, how easy the repair was and about how last week the guy never showed up. So he lowers the service charge to $125, plus $6.25 for the part and then, of course, there is tax of $11.18, for a grand total of $142.41.
It took Sylvia yesterday and today to finally get all the laundry done. She's great. I'll miss her when she moves and I have to do it myself again.
Edit: My son has a big hamper of dirty laundry in his room, so it's not all done. I reminded him if he doesn't get them out of his room, they won't get done. Why is it so hard to get him to carry them the six feet out into the hall and put them with the rest of the dirty clothes instead of storing them in his room?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Happy Hour
Last night a small group of us from work went out for Happy Hour. It was the first time I've socialized in any form for a very, very long time. It was really nice just to hang out, drink and BS. They even had a couple trays of free food. One was a pasta, sausage and broccoli rabe dish and the other was muscles in garlic and oil; both excellent.
Gail, our hospice volunteer, has been bugging me to get out and do something for myself, but this was the first time I took her up on it. It was good to just get away from things at home, even if it was just for two hours.
Gail, our hospice volunteer, has been bugging me to get out and do something for myself, but this was the first time I took her up on it. It was good to just get away from things at home, even if it was just for two hours.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
As Seen on HBO's "Sex in the City"
I received an email with As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City" as the title. It peaked my interest, so I opened it. It was spam, of course, but for the infamous vibrator talked about by Carrie on HBO's Sex in the City. This is a picture of the cute little fellow.
It seems to be a very popular little guy with the ladies because they advertise it as #1 Top Selling Sex Toy. Wow, if it's that good, I couldn't possibly keep it to myself. I just have to get the word out to my lady friends, and any of you guys that may like it from behind. (Hey guys, I don't judge, what ever floats your boat I always say.)
If you try it, I'd be interested in knowing if you enjoyed it and if it stands up to the hype. Also keep in mind that pictures of you with the rabbit could make some very interesting pictures for Half Nekkid Thursday.
Here's the email if any of you are interested in evaluating the many joys of the vibrator with the little rabbit ears.
As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City"
http://bornfruit.com/p1/
This classic vibrator is a womans best friend...
The Jack Rabbit Vibrator is a dual control multi-speed vibrating and rotating 7 1/2" x 1 1/2" Vibrator. Made of a bright pink, pliant jelly, the tip is realistically sculpted. The rotating pearls in the center of the shaft provide both internal and external stimulation to all her sensitive spots While the pearled shaft rotates and vibrates, massaging her inside, the Jack Rabbit's ears are busy tickling her clitoris outside. The shaft and stimulator are controlled separately, so she can customize her experience every time.
Jack Rabbit Vibrator Features:
Dual Control Multi-Speed Vibrator
Rotating Pearls
Rabbit Ears for External Clitoral Stimulation
The Jack Rabbit is 7 1/2 inches long x 1 1/2 inches in diameter
To order 1 http://bornfruit.com/p1/
Monday, July 25, 2005
Boy am I pissed
The fucking GE repair man didn't show to fix my washing machine today. The thing broke down over two fucking weeks ago and it still isn't fixed.
I called the "toll free number" to see what happened and got a recording that says the service call has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK THAT ALL ABOUT!!! YOU CALLED LAST NIGHT TO CONFIRM THE APPOINTMENT!!! THERE IS SOMEONE HERE 24 FUCKING HOURS A DAY TAKING CARE OF BARBARA!!!! SO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY????!!!!!
I call some number at GE and get a hold of some fucking robot, all these CSD assholes are robots, and tell him I've been waiting three weeks to get my washing machine fixed. He checks the computer.
"Did you get the parts?"
"Yes, the middle of last week."
"Oh."
"I have no record of why he didn't show. I can't help with this, you need to talk to Customer Relations."
"So transfer me."
"They are closed now."
"Some what are there hours?"
"They are 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday"
"Okay, then what's their number?"
"One eight hundred....blah, blah, blah.........."
"Thanks."
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
I just hung up without saying a word. (The dumb ass.) I HATE THAT FUCKING QUESTION!!!
I called the "toll free number" to see what happened and got a recording that says the service call has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK THAT ALL ABOUT!!! YOU CALLED LAST NIGHT TO CONFIRM THE APPOINTMENT!!! THERE IS SOMEONE HERE 24 FUCKING HOURS A DAY TAKING CARE OF BARBARA!!!! SO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY????!!!!!
I call some number at GE and get a hold of some fucking robot, all these CSD assholes are robots, and tell him I've been waiting three weeks to get my washing machine fixed. He checks the computer.
"Did you get the parts?"
"Yes, the middle of last week."
"Oh."
"I have no record of why he didn't show. I can't help with this, you need to talk to Customer Relations."
"So transfer me."
"They are closed now."
"Some what are there hours?"
"They are 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday"
"Okay, then what's their number?"
"One eight hundred....blah, blah, blah.........."
"Thanks."
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
I just hung up without saying a word. (The dumb ass.) I HATE THAT FUCKING QUESTION!!!
Monday, July 18, 2005
My Nephew is Going to Have a Baby
Well, not him exactly, his wife. She's expecting next March. Wow, nice, uh? Not so fast. They just got married on April frigging 23rd. Yeah right, about 2 1/2 months ago. I'm still in shock!
Here's the story.
Kathy came over this past Saturday for a visit and told us that Ad and Mel are going to have a baby. (Now I know why she came over) Barbara's first words were, "Oh wow." Mine were, "Umh fsi...humada, humada, huimada....the....uh....they're...holy...their...huh?" I swear, I couldn't speak. I just stood there mumbling like a mute for something like 15 seconds.
Kathy just smiled. You could tell she was forcing it, because I've seen that smile plenty of times in the past 35 years.
"Uh, wow. Why so quick?" I asked.
"She is 29 you know, did you know that she was older than Ad?"
I shook my head no.
"I guess the maternal urge has hit her. Wayne was shocked." (Kathy's husband)
"What about you?" I asked.
Again the forced smile, with "I'm going to be a grandmother. Can you believe it? A grandmother."
I just smiled and didn't ask her anything else, because I knew she was unhappy, so I just said, "Well, congratulate them for me, ok?"
I went back to the computer and Kathy spent a little more time visiting with Barbara.
Then I started doing the math. "Baby due next March. March plus three equals June. They get married on April 23rd and gets pregnant two months later. That's right, whole fucking two months. WTF were they thinking. They are going to have enough trouble adjusting to just being married, and now they're going have a baby. Idiots.
Then it dawns on me. My brother got married something like six months after he met Diane. She also got pregnant right away. After she had the baby, it wasn't two years before she took the kid and walked out on him. Yeah, he was an idiot too.
Here's the story.
Kathy came over this past Saturday for a visit and told us that Ad and Mel are going to have a baby. (Now I know why she came over) Barbara's first words were, "Oh wow." Mine were, "Umh fsi...humada, humada, huimada....the....uh....they're...holy...their...huh?" I swear, I couldn't speak. I just stood there mumbling like a mute for something like 15 seconds.
Kathy just smiled. You could tell she was forcing it, because I've seen that smile plenty of times in the past 35 years.
"Uh, wow. Why so quick?" I asked.
"She is 29 you know, did you know that she was older than Ad?"
I shook my head no.
"I guess the maternal urge has hit her. Wayne was shocked." (Kathy's husband)
"What about you?" I asked.
Again the forced smile, with "I'm going to be a grandmother. Can you believe it? A grandmother."
I just smiled and didn't ask her anything else, because I knew she was unhappy, so I just said, "Well, congratulate them for me, ok?"
I went back to the computer and Kathy spent a little more time visiting with Barbara.
Then I started doing the math. "Baby due next March. March plus three equals June. They get married on April 23rd and gets pregnant two months later. That's right, whole fucking two months. WTF were they thinking. They are going to have enough trouble adjusting to just being married, and now they're going have a baby. Idiots.
Then it dawns on me. My brother got married something like six months after he met Diane. She also got pregnant right away. After she had the baby, it wasn't two years before she took the kid and walked out on him. Yeah, he was an idiot too.
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